No one tells you that when a loved one dies the hardest part isn't the initial notification, but trying to go back to your routine afterwards. Trying to go back to work, to the gym, to normal eating habits even is hard when all you want to do is be alone and not have to answer questions. Friends and family mean well but they can only imagine what you're feeling and thinking, and often try to relate to you by thinking about the person that they lost or how they think they might feel if they lost that same figure in their life, but no one really knows the relationship except you and the person who has left. And absolutely no one is capable of ellimg you how to put the pieces of your life back together.
My grandmom was 90 years old, tired of watching her friends fade away, tired of feeling old and constantly spoke of her readiness to go. Every birthday was her last one and she was preoccupied with her legacy. I knew she was ready and I thought I was ready to let her go when the time came, but I was wrong. I knew that she may not see me get married or meet my children, and I made my best efforts to take care of her and have a meaningful relationship with her that I didn't realize that I would miss that relationship or that I had taken for granted the lessons she taught me or the wisdom that she shared with me or her stories, or even the character traits I inherited or learned from her.
I'm not going to wax on and on (ive always wanted to use that word as a verb) but both of my grandmothers taught me how to design and be creative, and I wouldn't be who I am without them. After struggling through five and a half days after bereavement leave, I hopped om a plane to the Dominican Republic, where I am currently writing. Ive spent the days tanning, planning and reading a gift subscription to Cosmo (if its from you, thank you.) Ive decided to start entertaining, Ive come up with a few projects and made myself a new work/gym/social calendar to fake normalcy until I feel more stable. I was so relieved to leave home, but now Im excited to return and start implementing my plans! Ill post more when I can, but Im excited to prepare for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years/my sibling's 30th birthday, and all of the parties in between!
Talk to you soon!
P.S. I love blogging and design, but my spark is taking a little while to come back, please bear with me as I rebuild my world.